Any Regrets?

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.

-Sydney J. Harris

Do I regret something? This is a question I ask myself way too often. More to train my brain to answer in the negative. It became so convincing (to myself), that I often ended up claiming to friends over a cup of coffee that I have no regrets in life. A huge statement to make. Much to everyone's envy.

And today all of a sudden it hit me like a cannon and made me realize what a fool I was! I still don't regret doing anything, but its the things that I could have done and I didn't that upset me!

Background story:

Got a mail from Pree today, concerning Dr. Ananthashyana's health. (Our Head of the Dept. during the 3rd year in college). He wasn't one of my favorite people in college, considering the following:

• He confiscated my cell-phone once, and I literally had to beg him to have it back.
• He decided to change the class-representatives after 2 years. (Basically, fired me and Piyush from this post after we escalated about him and demanded for better classroom facilities from the Principal, which by the way, we got in the end)
• Insulted teachers in front of the students.
• Suspended students right, left and center.

I think I should stop listing his shortcomings. This was to make no bones about the fact that I didn't like him.

But when I read the mail, I felt a lump form around in my throat that I couldn't gulp down. It said that 'he has not been coming to college for over two months. It seems he got a mild brain heamorrage and was admitted in ICU. He was unable to move his right arm.'

After college, he had offered me to join an association of ex-students. This association was his idea of helping our juniors to cope with working for the software industry! Inculcate values, instill discipline etc etc. I turned down the offer saying, I don't want to join his fan club. "What if" I had? Would I have seen a different side to him? Was it possible for me to influence his views? Maybe, together we could have achieved something significant for the benefit of the student population?

I wish him a speedy recovery!

08/10/2009 Got a msg saying.. HOD Dr.V.K.Ananthshayana passed away.

Invisible

Invisible:

As a kid, I wished for this boon (or bane) once..

The notion was so capable of putting me in a state of trance.

I would dream of the possibilities it provided,

Like a horizon that never ended

Playful, prank-ful, masti-ful were the thoughts

Never once dwelling on its intricacies

Thinking it would provide me freedom..What were the odds!

No one would then be able to catch me...

I fly high..

I fly alone..

I fly free..

But far from this fairy-land is the reality,

I hate being unnoticed, I hate being invisible

I dread being without company,

in a room filled with people, so many.

I care not for this world,

but care for the people, who form my world

I crave to be the apple of their eye

I live for thee..SIGH!!!

A true gentleman

Having being invited by a Finnish gentleman to visit his "summer house", we were all looking forward to the visit and the whole experience (atleast I was) :) Boating, fishing, swimming, sauna, dinner..the set of options he provided, to keep us engaged, seemed like a 'universal' set. How could I turn down a tempting offer like this?

So, after work, we all got in his FR-V Honda. He brought his 10yr old son along. An adorable kid! He later told us, that his son had requested to join in so he could talk to us in English and improve his vocabulary.

What was amazing to see was..He shared his son's excitement and sense of achievement. (1)

While boating, I witnessed another of his gentlemanly nature. Every time his son fell short of words, he helped him out, at no point losing interest or patience. (2)

Also, the way he described his family, esp. his younger daughter was touching. How they spend their holidays, what each one likes to do, etc etc? (3)

During one of those casual conversations that we had, he accidentally interrupted his son twice..On realizing his mistake (if you can call it one), he placed his hand on his son's head and said.. "Forgive me son, I have been interrupting you..Anteeksi" (4)

Later, while dropping us back home, he took permission to drop his son home first, as it was time for him to sleep. (5)

And he dropped each of us right in front of our gates. (6)

Can he be any more gentlemanly? I doubt anyone can!!!

Journey so far..

After storing a zillion messages on my cellphone, I thought its time to clear some old forwards. And started reading through them. Must say, its hard not to be nostalgic when the beautiful past stares so wide-eyed back at you. I was forced to re-live my journey from 'campus-to-corporate'.

Collection of messages below-

Messages from Pree:

***** is coming 4 recruitment on 25th of this month for 8th sem students. Aggre req 70%. Online registration is to be done its open til 22nd. Venue is yet to be decided

Http://www.Merittrac.net/***** register b4 22nd if aggregate above 70.

And even convinced me to go for it. Thanks Pree, I owe you big time for this :)

Later talks followed in canteen where the other Amateur Experts (Dee, pri) asked me to apply right away. This was amidst the project report talks. Later that day, I registered.

2-3 days later messages from *****:

Please report at 9:30a.m on 29th May for your test with ***** R&D @ M.S.Ramaiah Institue of Technology, MSR Nagar, Msrit Post, Mathikere, Bangalore-560024

Your call letter for the ***** Test on 29-May has been sent to your mail id. Please check it.

Wow, my own college. Isn't that gr8? I prepared whenever time permitted. Brushed up on C++, OS, Data structures, apart from the normal company research. Google out details, friends sent me loads of pdf files, links for online tests, n what not. I even got my Mobile communication internal to be postponed. Somehow convinced Mydhilli Ma'am that I needed time to prepare for this test/interview. (Had a way with teachers :) )

The test turned out to be a cakewalk. It meant only one thing.. the interview was going to be just the opposite. 30th May! What a day it was :) Must say, I could not have been more impressed with the place, the work culture, the people, everything. Earlier I wanted this job, now I WANTED it. I already had an offer in my kitty, so I didnt wanna seem desperate, at the same time, didnt want to be too laidback. Bro's advice to the rescue - 'Dont pretend to be someone else. Be normal, be yourself!'

Then the INTERVIEW.. the lesser I speak the better :). Lasted for more than an hour. I really wasn't sure what kind of interview it was. Lots of technical questions, with some HR type of questions thrown in between with 3 mineral bottles, questions regarding my performance in each semester, etc etc. I came out of the interview with mixed emotions. Next was HR round.

Bro:

Thats ok. In that they test both knowledge and attitude. Hope u kept ur cool. Now give ur best shot for this round.

Me:

I was really cool.. But hr was for hardly 2 mins.. Now I finished both.. Still they asked me to wait.. Hoping its a good sign.:-)

Good Sign Indeed :)

Kitchen Disaster

The heading makes it seem like I am not a good cook. :) Well, lets talk about my cooking prowess (if it exists) some other time.

Coming straight to my experience in the kitchen today. I was cooking chilli chicken (indo chinese style) and decided to have rice instead of chappatis to go with it. And then my brilliant mind suggested - "Hey, why stack up 2-3 pans and vessels on the stove and congest the space.. use the microwave". Yeah, will be faster too, right??? WRONG!!

Where is the microwave? Above the chimney. About half a feet above my head. What a stragetic location, aint it? Place the microwave somewhere accessible, for crying out loud!

Still, I placed the rice-bowl in the microwave. After my rice was cooked, time to get the bowl out... where are the gloves? There are no gloves in the apartment. Alright, I decided to let it cool for sometime and then take it out. After waiting for as long as my starving stomach granted permit, I carefully try to take the bowl out and before I know what hit me.. the glass plate of the microwave crashes to the floor, sending little tiny glass pieces in every direction. So much for modular european style kitchen.

I stared foolishly at the remains for sometime. My next chain of thoughts began with -

• OMG, how will I ever explain this to Mom and still prove I can cook?
• Well, I am in Finland, does she need to know this happened?
• Ofcourse, she does.. she is your mom.
• What about the apartment lady? ...umm.. ah..
• What are you doing? FOCUS.. look around, clean the mess.
• (While taking the vacuum cleaner out) Why did I have to cook? Soup and bread would have been a good option.

After scrupulously cleaning every inch of the apartment (still some glass pieces are left on the carpet), I sat down to have my supper. Looking at the inviting chilli chicken and rice, made me feel a lot better.

BTW, it tasted good :)

Change is good!!!

Before I left for Finland, someone definitely more intelligent than myself mentioned - Remember, 'Change is good at times'.

And now I find it more apt than ever before. Change is definitely good. Why be a pessimist all the time? I mean, if change means the end of something nice and wonderful, it also means the beginning of something better (or hoping for something better). Every cloud surely must have a silver lining.

Accepting a change is a sign of maturity. (Feels good already :) ) IMO, the change that you resist the most initially and then after much cogitaion, pondering, self-contemplation, when you make the decision of accepting it, that change, my friend, will bear more richer fruits than any other..

Loneliness - Not necessarily bad

Have you ever felt like you were losing your mind? Blamed loneliness for it? Felt so miserable that you wanted to yell your lungs out and take out all your frustrations in that one loud-earsplitting-painrelieving scream?

Ahhh too bad, you poor chap. :) I will never know what it feels like :)

And then there are my kind of people who dont need to blame loneliness for losing their mind :) It just acts as a catalyst. And who love losing their mind for a change. You dont believe me? alright, I will prove it to you.

Have you ever wondered what happened to the boat that Hrithik and Ameesha lost in the island? Well, I did..

This is how I pass my time (when I dont read, jog, cook, work, think sensible stuff, etc etc) :) :) :)

The boat just sailed away...drifting towards non existence, some would say. I like to think that the boat sailed in search of another potential candidate to offer her services (help) and move forward. The boat sure deserved lot more appreciation. Alright Alright.. I will stop!!